Reach Out and Touch – My Secret

Have you ever heard the saying, it begins with a thought, then an action, habit, character, and destiny.  So, it is vital for us to take control of our thoughts.  The Bible says it perfectly, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…”  Proverbs 23: 7 (KJV)  

What does that have to do with reaching out and touching, you might ask.  I am letting you in on my secret for controlling my thoughts and then actions—how I overcame self-destructive habits, fear, and anxiety, and stepped out in faith into the unknown. I am not sure of the exact moment, but I know for sure it was the day my husband announced he was leaving us for good. cifqes-tezrY

Now to that dreaded day. I thought, how could this be happening to me?  I watched as ifthrough a fog, trying my best to sort out in my mind the reality—it was really happening.  I stood frozen in time and disbelief, not knowing what to do or say.  Then, I was only able to mutter the words “If it does not work out with her (his lover) we are here.”

We, meaning a 2-year-old boy and his 10-month-old brother, and me, the 22-year-old former Army wife whom he met in Germany. Now he was abandoning me here in the US: I could hardly speak the language and had no other family around.  

I watched him drive off in the only car we owned.  I didn’t have a dime to my name like most young folks, living from payday to payday. I was staring through the trailer window, wondering what to do or whom to call.  But of course, I had no phone—the only payphone was down the street. I had no license and no car.  We had a few groceries. 

However, what I did have was a” BIG” God and a “baby “faith of a new believer in Jesus. I actually believed that this big God, I found and was learning about, could do miracles for me.  God is mighty and is more than able.  I prayed, believing my husband would find the same Jesus and would long to return to his own kids, and we would live for God. We would find forgiveness in Him and each other.  

So, I started the custom of reaching out, touching, and holding on to God’s hand—on that difficult day when I walked with a heavy broken heart up the long scary steps to the courthouse for my divorce. Again, I reach out when I took the DMV driver’s license test in English.  Then again when I heard the scary news of pre cancer, and I was alone and needed to have a hysterectomy.  Once more when I received the phone call from Germany that my dad died and a few years later as I stood In front of a flag draped coffin as we buried my 27-year-old son.

Looking back, I must say I don’t know what else the future will bring. But I know God is real even though I grab an invisible imaginary hand reaching out to me.  The Bible says in Matthew 28:20, “…and lo, I am with you always.”  That’s the truth and not pretend. His promises bring hope, life, encouragement, and healing for our soul and minds.  He never abandons us, so reach out to Him.  

Anna Showalter August 2023