“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” Proverbs 18:21 (AMP)
What powerful words! How often have our tongues got us into trouble? How often have we wished we could take words back? Now, it is time to pause and reflect on those times.
On Christmas Eve, I received a very angry call from my brother in Germany. I live in the US. I had not heard from him for five years, so it was important for me to reconnect. He screamed and spewed out in rage how he had been mistreated by all and that no one cared about him. He ranted about his treatment by our mom, who passed many years ago without ever reconciling. He accused me of not intervening more. However, the four pictures of our family vacation, that I had sent him angered him also; instead of seeing how my grandkids had grown, he screamed about the COVID lockdown when people were not allowed to go anywhere unless they had shots.
The call didn’t start with a thank you or a Merry Christmas, and that should have been my first clue as to what was about to happen for the next 35 minutes. He was so hurt; he did not once pause and reflect on his bad choices and use of words that caused most of his suffering. I held my tongue and paused long and hard to defuse the situation. When Jesus was accused in Matt. 26:62 (GNB) says:
I held my tongue and paused long and hard to defuse the situation. When Jesus was accused in Matt. 26:62 (GNB) says:
“The High Priest stood up and said to Jesus, have you no answer to this accusation against you?”
But Jesus kept quiet, and so did I. My brother’s overflow came out.
“You snakes- how can you say good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Matt. 12:34 (GNT)
My brother has no hope or knowledge of God’s love and care. How sad, how heartbreaking. He almost lost his life, and no one would have known or cared. He demanded a response from me.. I paused long and asked how often he thought of me and how we were doing? He became calm.
What I learned that day is that we need to pause way more often and reflect on what our words and choices will be. We must consider the pain, self-inflicted or by others, and look to a God who can help and show us a better way. Not everything needs a response! It showed me I need to try harder, keep forgiving and speak less. A simple “No” is a complete sentence that does not need an explanation. Pause! Hurt people will hurt people, and we need to be healing instruments to a world that needs God’s love and feels no one cares. Yes, God, and the Bible help give wisdom in a difficult family situation. Again, pause and pray in moments like that.
Anna Showalter 1/24
I love this example of the best way to handle an angry person. I agree hurt people hurt people and I find I need to allow God to heal me before I can respond with love. Thank you Anna.